Broken

The worst wound is the scar in your heart. Sometimes, I wish you were still alive, so I could remind myself how it still felt like family between you and me, and that I wouldn't be alone in facing & solving bro and mum's argument. And that I wouldn't need to be my brother's "mother". I would know, there would be at least 1 person to hold my hand and tell me "Everything is fine, you don't have to worry about it". I miss you dad, now, more than anytime

A year+

Your birthday is coming in 15 days and I was supposed to be in Poland as planned but couldn't make it due to AVIA situation.

This year, I don't have the courage to prepare anything for you anymore. 'Cz I know for sure it will break my heart while doing so. How I wish I could draw something again after the drawing I made for you last year birthday. I tried and tried many times later, but I failed. There's no inspiration and every lines remind me of how happy I was back then, not broken pieces like now.

I wonder and recount, how many chances that we got together, to meet each other face to face, chances to only maybe even talk online. All of them, besides the beautiful memories, things happen all the way just to lead to 1 conclusion: it's pushing you further and further away from my reach. And the best I could do to heal myself everyday is keep reminding me that "everything happens for some reason"

I got to know a girl who looks a bit like you - just a little bit because she looks sharper, taller, thinner and younger. Your smile is softer, you in overall looks more innocent and older, sometimes ugly when you make fun of yourself. Talking to her is like a bullet to my heart again, remind me endlessly how much I miss you, and that my heart is still with you. How pathetic...

Who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time
And who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose, only time

Who can say why your heart sighs
As your love flies, only time
And who can say why your heart cries
When your love lies, only time

Who can say when the roads meet
That love might be in your heart
And who can say when the day sleeps
If the night keeps all your heart
Night keeps all your heart

Who can say if your love grows
As your heart chose
- Only time
And who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time

Who knows? Only time

Am I?

"A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go"

It isn't only about staying & fixing issues with someone you love, it sometimes takes more courage to walk away from her who means so much to you because being strong is the only option you have...

Goodbye

Wow, the last time I blogged was so long time ago

Things change faster than I can imagine

June 2012 - join AVIA, be one of the only 3 people of pre-opening team. My life turned upside down because of this. The project that I'm so proud of and I can talk non stop about. But it affects  my life badly in a way that I myself dont realise

Jan 2013 - broke up my 3-year-relationship. Partly it is because of my work and it seems there is no solution to solve this. I, for the first and also the last time, agree that we will go separate ways

Apr 2013 - got promoted to E-Commerce Deputy Manager. I was really happy

Oct 2013 - got promoted again to E-Commerce Manager but I dont love being this person yet. I'm trying everyday to not let them down who put trust in me for the company's future.

I only have 24 years of life until now. It may be too early to say. But the most memorable, most intense, most painful but most beautiful memory of love that I've ever had was with her. Katarzyna Bauer. I love her...

There is nothing can exquisitely hurt as loving someone who doesnt love you back. And once you recover from it all by yourself, you will learn to appreciate, be wiser and be stronger for the next time you fall in love again

"People dont cry because they are weak. They cry because they were strong for too long" - Johny Depp.

Bursted into tears in the middle of shower today when I made a decision to forget this feeling about her to focus totally on my work. I realise i was strong for too long. But there is no regret, I let her know and I tried my best for time im in Poland

Dear,

I had less than a week to be this close to you, and starting from the following week, I will had to let you go with someone may be able to take care for you better than me doing that from thousands miles away. Make a topic about something makes me hurt the most just to make sure that you are alright with her. I thought I could handle it with a normal mood, but I couldnt, it broke me into pieces when I came as a surprise for you and Adam to hug him goodbye. It was never meant for her...

When you held my hand to cross the street, when you hugged me on the bed when I was so drunk, what I wanted to do was holding you more, just a little bit longer...

"Hold, hold me for a while. I know this wont last forever. So hold, hold me tonight, before the morning takes you away"

bday of my significant other

Dear My Significant Other,

A toy for you as usual
Days to spend with you
First time experience
Miserable but happy and warm
Walk so much but not tired
Walking next to you make my tiredness go away
Only heading to the destination
Nothing can replace how it is

2 beer bottles
Limited designs
The first time I enjoy drinking that much
Knowing that I can cover for you later on
Watching you sleep soundly
Feeling you as near as it is
Hugging you and wish you morning
Brushing teeth and wiping your hair
Oh how special

There was more than what you expected for today
Which I guess there are more people that you expect the least can make you happy in such a very simple way

I'm glad I'm one of them which can enlighten your day
Well, not only today, but everyday that it can be
To see your smile, your naughtiness and your happiness

Which I know there's nothing else can replace
Hold your hand, ommmm you tight not only for today
But today give you promotion extra yea wekeke

P.S.: there's my ex-colleague has the same birthday as you (same day, same month, same year) and the character hmmmm not same hehehe

My multipurpose soul mate, happy birthday! muackssssssss ommmmmmmmmm

(weird poem, a bit like poem a bit like song..... but this is it my feeling to show how I love you :P)