Poland Aug 2014

After my accident, one of my Romanian colleagues told me "Smell is the best trigger of memory". I turned away and said "It's true". That was the damnest truth. There was a sleeveless T-shirt that was washed at your flat that I kept with me untouched, just because there was the smell of home, the smell of memories about you. I missed you terribly, more than I could bear.

I came back. Accidentally, you were still the one that picked me up at the airport. And unexpectedly, I had a chance to return home. I remember every details about home, about you but I can't just remember my feeling about you. The girl that I was completely in love with, where are you? An. She was sitting at the balcony, smoking cigarette guessing me that I don't remember her. No, I will never forget her who broke me into pieces last year on my last day in Poland when I made an effort to return home.

I was right. That 1 week at home 1 year ago was the only week that I could feel the same. After that, things will be very different. I'm glad that I had nothing to lose and gave my all. Gave my all to you.

If there is one thing I wish I could erase from my memory after the accident, I wish I forgot my memories about you.

"Home is where the heart is". I had a place that I felt belonged.

I don't belong here anymore. Coming back just to make me realize that even how much I tried to be a part of your life or M's life, I can't. Not even as a friend. I'm sad because you were the truest feeling I've ever had with someone, K...

"At some point …you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life."